Found a girl for marriage but family is saying no
Question
I have completed my Alim course and am ready to get married. My family says that I am not ready because my financial situation is not so strong. However, I am 26 and live in a cosmopolitan area where Zinā is easy. I had a past and I get tempted to commit Zinā. So, I found a girl and arranged everything with her father to get married. Now my family is holding me back, saying that I am going against the family custom to get married and doing everything myself, but I am not guilty at all, because I know if I do not get married and settle down, I could fall into sin. Please advise
بسم الله الرحمن الرحیم
Answer
You have outlined two concerns of the family:
The first is that you are not so strong financially. This could be a genuine concern for parents to ensure that there are no marital problems after. You should, however, reassure them that the girl and her family are aware of your financial position and that they are content with this, assuming this is the case. In addition, Allah Almighty mentions in the Quran:
وأنكحوا الأيامى منكم والصالحين من عبادكم وإمائكم، إن يكونوا فقراء يغنيهم الله من فضله
“And marry the spouseless from among you and the virtuous ones from among your male and female servants. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His grace” (Al-Nūr: 32)
Thus, whilst one should make every effort for Ḥalāl sustenance, poverty should not deter a person from marriage, particularly when there is fear of committing sin.
The second concern is that you are going against the family custom in arranging your own marriage. It is true that many a times family members and parents find a suitable match for their children and this has many benefits. However, from an Islamic perspective, it is permissible for a male to arrange his own marriage. The consent of parents or the guardian is not required for males. This concern is therefore not a valid reason to stop a marriage. Nevertheless, it is strongly recommended to consult with one’s family and in particular the parents and seek their blessing. You should thus explain to them with wisdom and try to allay their fears and gain their confidence. You should consider their concerns and try to reassure them as much as possible. If after doing this and the girl is pious and there is no other material concern, you may proceed with the Nikāḥ if you wish to do so.
May Allah Almighty make the situation easy for you and enable you to make the correct decision. Āmīn.
Allah knows best
Yusuf Shabbir
18 Muḥarram 1445 / 5 August 2023
Approved by: Mufti Shabbir Ahmed and Mufti Muhammad Tahir
